Them's The Breaks

Life can take some unexpected turns from time to time affecting us physically and emotionally. Just last week I was excited about launching some projects I'd been working on. Mid-morning I decided to put the garbage out while it was raining. Half an hour later I was in the back of an ambulance being intravenously fed morphine to quell the pain of a shattered ankle after falling on my front porch steps. Two surgical procedures and five days in hospital ensued. My immediate work plans I was hoping to launch pre-Christmas were stuffed. Now I face 6-8 weeks of non-weight-bearing life on crutches and am quite dependant on my partner for assistance. After consecutive lockdowns and the challenges of that this felt like another blow to the guts.

My pussycat Iggy looking after me upon my return home.

I have a natural tendency towards a glass half empty view of things at times. I work hard on my mental health and a big part of this is to implement the strategies that I have learnt and teach not to allow myself to slide into a state of anxiety and depression. Traumas like this are a real test of our mental health skills and of our arsenal of coping strategies. Unfortunately, while there is no silver bullet cure for mental health conditions like anxiety or depression, you can manage it and make life more tolerable during the challenging bits, and once you get the hang of it, feel happy and fulfilled.

So what strategies did I employ to get over the dark moments post-accident?

Talk to Someone

One day during my hospital stay, I was feeling particularly crap. Then Simon the Pastoral Care worker walked in and introduced himself. At first, I felt a little uneasy as I was not in the mood to be preached to about God but, as it turns out, he was a secular Buddhist, which was right up my alley. I immediately took a liking to Simon's energy and proceeded to spill out my guts to him. We talked about all sorts of things but we bonded particularly around my work in running men's groups and my interest in men's mental health. I felt my spirits lifted from our short time together.

Meditate/Practice Mindfulness

To cope with the pain and worry I meditated a lot. I focussed on feeling the discomfort, both physical and mental, and tried to lean into it. I know this idea of leaning into the pain is counter-intuitive but believe me, it works. The pain became tolerable and I hardly noticed it about 20 minutes into the meditation. This helped me not to rely on the addictive opiates that were on offer, and I believe, to recover more quickly. I highly recommend the following book on the effects of mindfulness on long term chronic pain sufferers if you are interested in a scientifically researched study in this area. It offers a step-by-step approach to using mindfulness techniques to reduce chronic pain:

Click here.

Journal

I first started journalling at high school initially to improve my writing skills but I found it a terrific way to reframe my thoughts, express my feelings as an angsty teenager and sort shit out. It became the start of my songwriting, where I composed lyrics that would be used for years to come in the various bands I played in the late 80s and early 90s. I did not have any strict rules in terms of format, the only rule was that I journalled every night. Sometimes it was just a paragraph, other nights the entry was pages long. I knew it was good for me because I felt better and became more confident at a school where I wasn't very happy, even if I didn't understand back then why it worked.

I now know it works because people who suffer anxiety can often get into a worry feedback loop. Constantly trying to find solutions, they can feel overwhelmed - fused to their thoughts. Getting these thoughts/worries out of your head and onto paper really helps you to diffuse from your thoughts, gather yourself and find practical solutions, if they really are the problems you initially think they are. I personally recommend using pen and paper as the physical act of writing for me feels like a "worry dump" removing it from your head and out of high rotation. Buy a journal which you can dedicate to this task. Keep it private. Occasionally reviewing journal entries from the past will also help give you perspective and realise that the saying "this too will pass" is actually true.

How am I going? Hobbled but pretty well. I have an awesome partner who is looking after me and two loving cats that help my healing process. Is it inconvenient?- Hell yes! There are, however, many people much worse off than me - I saw them in hospital. I'm back at work doing Telehealth appointments and grateful for the opportunity to do so. So let's tackle this often difficult silly season together! I look forward to seeing you back in the Male Room.

Update: 7 weeks later I'm back on my feet. Felt a bummer after lockdowns etc, but the cricket was highly entertaining.....Very grateful to be walking (albeit with a mighty limp for now)!

David